I just wanted to make a public apology to JLAD. In regards to Eclipse the only information I ever got on him was from a *volunteer* puppy raiser. I never got any information from the organization itself. Of course I believed the information I got and acted accordingly, albeit not always rationally. I'm an emotional person and when I was being told constantly that Eclipse will *never* come home and all these decisions have been made it's understandable I react. What's not excusable though is that I accused JLAD and Joy of making decisions on Eclipse that did not correspond with what we were told would happen.
I apologize to all of you but more importantly to Joy for listening to someone else as if it were Joy directly. I will try my hardest to not let others get in the way of my raising experience again, and especially not ruin my happiness and hope in raising and "my" puppies.
I also wanted to apologize for making incorrect statements, although according to what I had been told they were true to my knowledge, they were incorrect.
There's a part of me that wishes I had been able to handle Eola and stuck it out until the next swap which would have been last month. Somedays I feel like I wasn't a "good enough" handler for her or didn't work hard enough with her. If I had just pushed myself a bit more we could have stuck it out. Then I remember how much Emotion has to do with puppy raising and my emotions were shot at that time. I was going back to working full-time, looking at moving out of my parents' house again and missing Eclipse and GDB like no other. I realize that giving Eola back was the best thing for me to do at that time, even though she's been in a number of homes since. Apparantly I'm not the only that has a hard time with her. I feel like if I still had her I wouldn't have let her and myself down but I'd still be involved in Eclipse's life, albeit from a distance. I'd know what is going on with him, from "the horse's mouth" if you will. Then I wouldn't be tempted to put my trust and emotions on hearing it 'third-hand'.
Time to move on I guess, but I hope my apology helps people realize I was never purposefully malicious or rude to JLAD or Joy and I never made incorrect statements out of spite. JLAD was not a good fit for us, for a number of different reasons, mainly the distance for class and the swap, but those reasons are unimportant at this point. I wish JLAD the best and that all the upcoming breedings and subsequent puppies are born safely and grow up well-adjusted. I also hope and pray that if it's determined Eclipse would be a poor fit as a service dog that the best decision is made for him and his siblings.
Thank you, JLAD for letting me raise again and experience my lovely Eclipse. I would not be the same person I am today without having known the boy. You taught me that I love service dogs, just in a different way than guide dogs, and helped me decide on the next organization I hope to raise for in the coming months. Thank you, and I'm sorry.