Friday, January 15, 2010

General Explanation

I know my blog has been very quiet, lacking all the charm and eloquent writing it normally posesses! (HA!)

I suppose I should explain why. As most of you know I have been struggling with my health for quite some time. I am sure that many of you think that I'm sick because I'm in a "state" about Eclipse, but that's not true. I've been dealing with untreated hypothyroidism and a mystery disease for more than a year now and now my Celiac that I've had since I was young has decided to not only progress but do as much damage as it possibly can. In just a short time I've gone from being able to eat a slice or two of bread to being very sick for two days if I eat anything with gluten in it, period. I've been attempting to go on a strict gluten-free diet, but it's much harder than it sounds. Obviously anything with wheat in it is out, so anything made with flour and other grains, which includes all crackers, breads, cereals, noodles and at this point, oats. But gluten isn't always obvious. Mayonnaise contains gluten, so anything containing mayonnaise is also out of my diet, including ranch dressing. If you followed that it means, for the most part, I am currently restricted to fruits, vegetables and meats. Cheeses I can eat, as long as they're aged. Yogurt and cottage cheese, it depends. Some have gluten, others don't.

As you can see, my health issues have been taking up a lot of my time and my writing inspiration. Charlie was here for a week, but I posted very little about him. Partly in due to my health, partly in due to another obvious reason.

I know that many of you think I'm obsessed with Eclipse and that it's unhealthy. I look at it this way; when Alex is gone I miss him. If he's gone long enough I cry because I miss him. That's what love does, you want to be with who you love. I love Eclipse, more than most people can understand. Eclipse isn't just a dog to me, I love him like my son. We went through so much together, both physical, mental and emotional. We overcame hurdles just to fall over the next one. He is connected to so many things that have happened in my life, when I cry for him, I cry for more than just him. I cry for the loss of my cousin, my father, my nephew who died before he was 8 weeks old. I cry for the loss of my health and stamina, I cry because of the anxiety the car wreck we were in together, I cry because there is an empty place in my home and I cry because I miss Eclipse more than anyone will ever know. I cry because my husband cries for Eclipse. All connected to one little golden boy. He pulled our heartstrings as soon as we met him, on day three (more than a year ago now) we knew he'd be coming home if he were career changed.

I know some figure that since I haven't seen him for so long that my love shouldn't be strong, but in reality "distance makes the heart grow fonder" and that is certainly the truth in this case.

I'm being quiet because I don't want to offend anybody and I don't want to constantly refer to Eclipse. I don't want to share the inner workings (lol) of my health issues with the world and it's hard to share my pain and to try and portray the depth of my love for Eclipse. I'm not obsessed, I'm in love and when you're in love, you'll do anything for the one you love, whether or not that means hurting yourself.

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